There is justice in this country, this nation of laws. Assuming you can afford it. The rest of us can expect eventually to be involved in incidents like the one that took place recently in Union City, Georgia, where a fast food employee was arrested for putting too much salt on a burger.

I'm kidding, you say. I am not, I reply.

Not only was Kendra Bull arrested, she was charged with misdemeanor reckless conduct and freed only after spending the night in jail and putting up $1,000 bail.

Apparently, Bull accidentally spilled salt on some hamburger meat, an act not generally considered a felony. Being a good McEmployee, she reported the incident to her supervisor, who "thumped" the meat until most of the salt fell off. On her break, Bull ate one of the burgers made with the salty meat herself and found it, well, a little salty, but otherwise OK.

The trouble didn't start until a police officer, Wendell Adams, got a happy meal containing one of the salty burgers. According to Adams, the added salt made him sick. Why he went on to eat the entire over-salted burger after tasting it, he didn't say.

Adams returned to the McDonald's, questioned the employees and - in the interest of protecting the public from a dangerous, heinous criminal - slapped the cuffs on Bull and took her downtown.

In what can only be described as an inspired use of taxpayer dollars, investigators sent samples of the salty burger meat to the state crime lab for tests. Apparently, the mitochondrial DNA status of ground chuck is of great importance to the ongoing investigation.

According to the city's official statement, prosecutors charged Bull because she served up the burger "without regards to the well-being of anyone who might consume it."

All I can say is, it's a good thing the cops nabbed this Charles Manson of cheeseburgers before she decided to take it on the lam. The ensuing nationwide, multi-jurisdictional manhunt could have dragged on for weeks and cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars. And who knows what innocents might have been put in harm's way as Bull fled across the country, passing out salty burgers as she attempted to elude the authorities? Think of the tummy aches, man! It's terrifying!

At some point, Homeland Security and the FBI would get involved. That's when things would really rocket straight to Planet Koo-Koo. I can see it now...

After months on the run, Bull has finally come to ground in an old, abandoned farmhouse, on the outskirts of Waco, Texas.

In the months since Bull began her cross-country "burgering spree," five other disgruntled fast food employees and the vice president of the American Salt Council have taken up her cause and joined her. They're with her now in the farm house, which FBI authorities believe has been heavily fortified with trip-wire bombs designed to splash hot French fry oil on anyone who gets too close.

Satellite surveillance shows the path leading to the door of the farmhouse has been littered with soggy pickle slices and mayonnaise-slathered sesame seed buns, making a frontal assault all but impossible.

The feds have the farmhouse surrounded; half-tracks, sharpshooters and armored personnel carriers form an escape-proof perimeter around the property. Choppers hover overhead night and day and loudspeakers set up nearby blast the "hold the pickle, hold the lettuce" song over and over at high volume in an effort to inflict maximum psychological damage on the "Salty Seven," as Bull and her followers have been dubbed by the media.

A lone, federal negotiator cautiously approaches the house, unarmed, in an effort to "talk the perps out," but Bull and her disciples pelt him with half-drunk strawberry shakes and hot apple pies. The negotiator escapes with only minor injuries and some pink stains on his white shirt.

For Commander Steve Steele, the FBI special agent assigned to head up the operation, this is the final straw. Getting on the walkie-talkie, he orders the flame-thrower-equipped half-tracks into position, fires several canisters of tear gas through the farmhouse windows, and personally leads the SWAT team to the front door, which they - in true cop-show tradition - kick in.

But it's too late. Realizing their fate, Bull and her followers have donned identical white robes, lain out side by side on small cots, and - after checking for nearby comets - eaten the salty burger meat.

In the months that follow, every nuance of the operation is analyzed in detail by television anchors with really stiff hairdos. Conspiracy theories abound. Hundreds of Web sites spring up, citing salty burgers as the cause of everything from global warming to the JFK assassination. A congressional task force is formed to study the issue.

Finally, things settle down and the Salty Seven are more or less forgotten.

Meanwhile, in Akron, Ohio, a Burger King employee has spilled pepper on a box of frozen onion rings...

To contact Mike Taylor with your questions, comments, or to ask if he wants fries with that, e-mail mtaylor325@gmail.com or write via snail mail to: Mike Taylor, c/o Valley Media, Inc., PO Box 9, Jenison, MI 49429.